A passionate woman with a romantic heart.
Mother to 3 fascinating souls.
I write and I talk about all the feels. I sing & I dance. I love to laugh.
Love is the boss of me.
The Short Story.
You could say I’m an avid researcher, reading, having conversations, listening, collecting stories and information to share with the world with the hope of creating connection and the highest expression of truth and love. My joy is connecting with people. My life’s work has become writing and telling stories about life’s beautiful, loving truths and life’s brutal trials like addiction, grief, divorce, terminal illness and death.
I am a “figure-outer.” I inherited that from my dad. I like to figure things out, figure people out, figure situations out. Find solutions to what perplexes us, solve problems. My dad could fix anything that was broken. I am more of an emotional fixer. I fix with my heart. I am always looking for the light, the best in people, illuminating what’s loveable, what makes someone feel worthy. Like that Vanilla Ice song, “if there’s a problem, Yo I’ll solve it.” It’s wired into me. If we can’t fix it together, then I’ll love you while you fix it. My community knows this about me. My door is always open and when you show up, I’ll make you some tea and we will sit and sort it out.
I am also a Believer. I have EXTREME FAITH in Spirit, in the power of Love, in the very nature of goodness. I believe in the FORCE of Love that powers the Universe. I believe we are all worthy of epic love, abundant joy, and prosperity.
I also believe you should “follow your heart where ever it leads because it will always lead you to your treasure.” (That’s from my #1 favorite book The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo)
Following my heart means surrendering to love and talking, dancing, singing, laughing, crying and hugging it out with people all over the place.
The Long Story……
As a kid I felt different, I wasn’t one of those kids who always knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. I didn’t fit in the boxes, I was smart but not GT by their standards, I didn’t like physical education so much so I wasn’t athletically inclined and I definitely wasn’t artistically inclined except that I had an uncanny ability to memorize song lyrics and could feel music. Now I see that the box that was missing was the Emotional box. In the current learning system there isn’t a path for the highly emotional kids, the sensory kids who with the right guidance can develop their emotional IQ, intuition and ability to feel on a deeper level and use it for the greater good. All I knew was that I just wanted to be happy, to feel good inside, to love my life. I had an insatiable desire to know things, but not the things they were teaching at school, except for reading, writing & new words. I loved greek mythology and genetics. I was fascinated by the gods and goddesses and how our genetic make up affects who we are. I devoured books, especially the books about women in history. “Herstory” women. I still devour books. Books about feelings, patterns, relationships, people and love.
As I grew older, I began to crave more depth, to intimately know my own heart and live my life from there. While I was searching, I didn’t know how to describe what I was feeling or not feeling or how I wanted it to be. What I could articulate was a strong desire to be more real because I felt kind of fake. I joked with my closest friend that I should wear a necklace with an F on it because that’s sort of what it felt like. “Fake.” A carefully constructed facade around a inner life that didn’t feel so good. I had it pretty good. A nice home in an amazing community of people, work that I enjoyed, friendships that I cherished and children that I adored but something was off. I didn’t feel solid good.
When found myself very sick with ulcerative colitis and my marriage deteriorating, I realized I could no longer go on the way I was and I needed help. I got on my knees a lot, folded my hands, closed my eyes and asked for serious help from above. My calls for help were answered over time. I was given a mighty powerful team of guides, mentors, healers, wise people and creative humans that care for me, share their knowledge, keep me healthy, grounded and spiritually connected.
It was the year I spent studying on The Path of Devotion that I was able to connect with and express how deeply I’d been affected by the cycle of addiction running through my family. While in the battle for the life of one of my children cursed with addiction, I decided that, for myself and my family, I was going to do whatever it took and try and break the cycle of addiction in our family. I’ve lived every role in that cycle. Granddaughter, daughter, self, spouse, lover, friend and mother. I would have been described as a “party girl” back in the day. I feel I could have used an intervention back then. I believed things would change when I got married but I married my party buddy and he wasn’t ready to change his ways, then God/The Universe/Whatever you choose to call the Force of Love that guides us intervened and “the boy who saved my life” was born. Becoming a mother gave me great purpose, changed me deeply and brought me a few giant steps closer to a clean and sober life.
For a long time the addictions in my family rendered me mostly silent and feeling powerless and numb. I am breaking the silence now and the three cardinal rules that govern addiction. Don’t Speak, Don’t Feel and Don’t Trust. I have found the more I talk about addiction the less power it has over my life and the lives of my children. I began to really feel my feelings, allow them to rise and not be ashamed of the way I felt in any given situation. I learned to discern between triggers and truth. My soul mission is to effect and change the culture around substance use and substance use disorder because of the adverse effects on the family, our community and our children. I may not be the one to cure addiction, but I will do something about it how its treated. I am passionate about creating an environment that perpetuates sobriety and supports recovery. Future generations deserve a clean environment. It begins with us.
I’ve been doing the clean and sober life since the intervention I held for my child who became addicted to prescription drugs after the deaths of his two dearest friends. Gratefully he is in recovery. I wish I’d started the clean life sooner. I wish I’d never taken that first drink in high school and lived the life I am living now. I believe in clean & sober. Clean & Sober is alive. sexy. fun. beautiful. passionate. spiritual. amazing. deep. totally cool. hip. wise. generous. connected. enthusiastic. joyful. REAL.
To be a part of our community, add your email here. Everyone is welcome, accepted and included. Feel free to reach out via email anytime, I love to hear from you with your wonderings, love notes, rants, sorrows and joys. I live for connection. Both human and spiritual. I love togetherness. I believe personal freedom.
With all kinds of Love and Magic,
Family Recovery Advocate
I serve women seeking healing and transformation.
I serve people who have been impacted by addiction recover their lives.