It’s Christmas Eve. This is the moment I want to wind down on a deeper level. I’ve kept a slow pace this month. A pace that feels good to me. A purposeful peaceful pace that I chose. The gifts are all wrapped and under the tree (a tree whose lights all decided to go out 2 days ago). My house is very quiet (except for the sound of the inflatable Santa on my deck). My three children are still asleep in their beds (I am relishing this moment of quiet before we have to “get ready” for church and dinner and such). My children, the three gifts that matter most to me. I am thinking in three’s. The three gifts of Christmas. Gold, Frankincense, Myrrh. The three Divine gifts. Faith, Hope, Love. My three children. The ones that keep me sane and insane at the same time.
My Son, Mitchell. First born. The boy who saved my life. The one sent to stop me in my tracks and open me up to love. The one who made me a mother first and taught me what unconditional Love is. A young man with a deep sensitive heart.
My Daughter, Charlotte. The daughter I longed for. The child that taught me patience and wonder. It took seven years for her to arrive. Faith that she would come was all I could hold on to when all else failed. A beauty with a spirited joyful heart.
My Daughter, Ella. The daughter I prayed for. “Just one more” I would pray. “Just one more.” My Hope that her being would bring more love. And she has. The child that taught me to slow down and really pay attention. A darling little fairy with a wise and intuitive heart.
We have suffered much in the last few years. Our share of trials. Cancer, Death, Addiction, Divorce. What truly carries us through are the three Divine gifts. Faith that in the end it will all be ok. Hope that we may not suffer the pain for long and that it will not break us. And Love, that pours in from others all around us. Love for each other.
It is our tradition to go to candlelight service on Christmas Eve. There is a moment I feel so deeply every single time. As we begin to sing Silent Night and candles begin to light each other, I am overcome with grief for those who are missing, people I love, and for my family & friends whose hearts are missing people too. We are not the only only ones with pieces of our hearts missing. Holidays seem to magnify the person sized holes. I think of Mitchell’s friends, boys I love, Benjamin & Steven, and now my Mom and my Dad. As tears stream down my face the words “Sleep in Heavenly Peace” echo in my heart. It is always a moment of great sorrow and deep peace for me.
While Christmas is a celebration, we are not without tears. We are blessed with a happy sadness. A peaceful place to go in our hearts.
May you feel the blessing of the gifts as well. In your deepest sorrow and your greatest joy may you experience deep peace in the moment.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these threeremain: Faith, Hope and Love. But the greatest of these is Love.
From our hearts to yours,
Peace & Love,
Family Recovery Advocate
I serve women seeking healing and transformation.
I serve people who have been impacted by addiction recover their lives.